You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
