bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
