Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
