the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
