she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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