My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
