He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
