Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
