Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
