she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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