Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
