I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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