Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
