so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think i have two assholes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
