Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
