mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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