The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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