she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
