he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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