It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
