You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
