i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
