i was born a porn star she said
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
