Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
