While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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