So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Every concussion has its silver lining
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
