Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
