He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
