I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
