I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
