I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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