Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
