dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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