i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
