Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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