we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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