Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
