I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
