i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
