hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
