my mouth tastes like poor choices
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
