I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
