I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My ass is underappreciated
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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