So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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