are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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