I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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