Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
