I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize