What did we do last night that was yellow?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
