everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
