I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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