My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
