How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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