shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
