Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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