I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
