Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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