Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
