tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize