are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm getting married
To pizza
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
