he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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