I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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