It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
