He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
