I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
